She Needed Mental Help
by lilaya
Summary: Gemma, Simon, and Kartik join the other characters from Figments. Why didn't anyone see this going horribly, horribly wrong? Get ready for therapy...Someone certainly needs mental help...ON HIATUS unless I suddenly feel the need to laugh
1. Italians and Leggy Blondes

**So I've finally gotten around to what I wanted to say about the characters of Figments! Feel free to find our way to my profile and read the prequel to this story ****Figments**** It's changed from the script of a play to actual story-mode (shocker, I know). And well….here it is! Enjoy!**

**She Needed Mental Help**

_Novel's POV_

"Kartik," Gemma said firmly. "_Stay_ away from me."

I had just entered the waiting room of our new therapist and, of course, the first thing I heard was their bickering.

"Why? It's not like Simon's here!" Kartik whined.

"Can we all _try _to save the arguing for the therapist?" I couldn't believe it. They were arguing already. And what did he mean that Simon wasn't here yet?

"Simon's not here?" I queried. "I'm late, and he's later?"

"Way to state the obvious, Nov. Are you going to tell me what color my shirt is next?"

_Ouch._ Obviously Gemma was still mad at me. I hadn't _tried_ to steal her fiancé. He had just kissed me. Under her bed. While she was in the room. Hm….maybe I could see why she was mad.

"It is _hot _outside." Snickers walked in behind me. He had picked me up that morning. "Good morning, everybody."

There was a general disgruntled murmur.

"I can see you're all delightfully happy this morning! Oh, by the way Gemma," Snick added. "Simon's on his way."

"I hope you can control your attraction for Kartik now that your fiancé's on the way, Gemma." I gave her my most innocent look.

"Snick, control your woman, before I have to!" Gemma jumped out of her seat, eyes flashing.

"Bring it." Obviously, we were not morning people.

A voice with a slight accent from the doorway made us all stop. "Well. I can see that I'm going to have my hands full this morning." A gorgeous green-eyed man had just walked into the waiting area. He smoothed his dark brown hair back from his forehead as he surveyed the room. "I take it that you're the first appointment?

I couldn't breathe and, from the looks of it, neither could Gemma. We couldn't take our eyes off of him. _Please let that be the therapist, _I thought.

It was during this unsightly display of gazing that Simon happened to walk in and notice Gemma staring. I barely noticed Simon though, and I seriously doubt that Gemma did either. Three emotions crossed his face both quickly and clearly: confusion, comprehension, and rage. He was pissed, no doubt about it.

"Gemma? I'm over here." She didn't hear him. He tried again. "Who's this?"

"I am so very sorry," The magnificent specimen said. He sounded very educated. A few more sentences and I would be able to pick up on his accent. "My name is Niccolo."

He was Italian. Oh gosh. He was _Italian._ If his looks didn't kill me, his accent certainly would. _Niccolo. _ I wanted to tell him my name just to hear him say it. I wondered what his last name was….and just how many people he'd want to invite to our wedding. I was certain that we could make something work. Maybe next Tuesday…

"Yes, we _are_ the first appointment," said Snick, giving the other guys an exasperated look. "Are you the therapist?"

"Me, the therapist?" Niccolo looked positively amused, and proceeded to tug at his blazer, which I couldn't help but notice must have been very expensive. "No, I could never be the therapist! I just work here for my college training! She will be along in just a moment!"

_Darn._ What girl_ wouldn't_ want to lie on a couch in his office?

"Well, if you want to practice with a patient, here's my number." I quickly scribbled it on a piece of paper and handed it to him. No need to cancel the wedding just because he didn't have a degree yet. Snickers looked at me incredulously. Gemma glared daggers at me. Niccolo then smiled.

"Sure, I will. I need the practice!" His smile. Did he _have_ any flaws?

"Tell me something, Niccolo. Are you Italian?" I had to know.

"I'm of Italian descent. Both of my parents are Italian, but I was born here." He smiled at me and then Gemma. "And what about you? Can I practice on you, too?"

Gemma practically melted. "Of course!" She hurriedly grabbed a piece of paper and wrote her number for him. Now it was Simon's turn to glare.

Niccolo strode through us and went behind the receptionist's desk. Deftly, he took of his blazer and hung it over his chair. He then sat. After flipping through the appointment book, he came to that day's date and confirmed that yes, we were here for therapy, and yes, our appointment was at eight this morning. Just five minutes until it started.

"You may as well get settled until the doctor arrives," Niccolo said. He stood and held open the only other door in the room besides the entrance. "Right this way."

We were led into something that very closely resembles a conference room. It had a long, wooden oval table right in the centre, with wooden chairs to match.

"Just take the seats closest to the head of the table, but remember that the head is reserved for the therapist. She will be along in," he checked his watch, "three minutes." With that, he strode out of the room.

We all sat in various chairs around the table, with Simon and Kartik being nearest the head, Gemma next to Simon, me next to Kartik, and Snickers next to me.

"Why am I the furthest away from the therapist?" Snickers complained.

"That's because you have the least problems. You're only here so that I can have some sort of emotional support when these three break down." I rolled my eyes and jabbed a thumb towards Gemma, Kartik, and Simon.

"Hey!" the three exclaimed in unison.

"And the reason that Kartik and Simon are nearest is because they have the most problems," I clarified for Snick.

"At least weren't the ones drooling over the receptionist!" Simon looked repulsed.

"Yeah," added Kartik. He clasped his hands together and pretended to swoon. "_Oh Niccolo! Invite us for therapy so that we can seduce you!"_

"I don't need to seduce him. I'm too pretty for that. But Novel over there _definitely_ needs seduction."

"Shut up, Gemma! If you're so darned naturally seductive, then why'd your _fiancé _kiss me under the bed?" It was a low blow, but she was getting on my nerves.

"Nov…." Snick tugged on my sleeve nervously.

"Not now, Snick." I waited for Gemma to make a comeback.

"That's only because you're a tramp and you know it, you little slu…" Gemma cut herself off, mid-insult.

"Well, I can see that this is going to be a fun day," Our therapist said sarcastically from the doorway. "Good morning. I'm Dr. Amber Wilson, and I'm your therapist."

I glared at the guys, as they were all suddenly rendered speechless. Actually, they weren't speechless. They were just too busy looking at the rear end of our therapist. She wasn't _that_ pretty. She was _okay._ Yet, the guys looked the same way at her as they did at the cookies we baked them. That didn't sit too well with me. I wasn't quite sure this was going to work.

Dr. Wilson sat down in her seat at the head of the table and smiled in a friendly manner. She couldn't be older that twenty three.

I looked at the guys. Dr. Wilson had their undivided attention. Gemma and I exchanged looks.

This was going to be interesting.

_**Author's Note:**__16th November, 2009_

**So how'd you like it? Would you like more? Please tell me! I'm having fun and destressing by playing with the minds of Libba Bray's characters! (And throwing a few other people into the mix…)**

**I have a whole new arsenal of telepathic goodies to send to my readers…but I still love the classics best! A chocolate chip cookie to everyone who reviews! Lots of love and happy reading!**


	2. It's All About Me

**Okay, I get it, its not the greatest fanfic ever, but could you at least leave me a **_**little**_** love? Or criticism? Whatever. Just enjoy our next chapter from Kartik's POV**

_Kartik's POV_

I was just about to tell Gemma just how _hot_ she looked when she was calling other girls derogatory names, when this…_babe_ walked in. Her name was Dr. Amber Wilson. _Amber._ Do you know how many fantasies I've had with a girl named Amber? Of course, that was just the name I gave to the stripper, but hey, who cares?

She was the classic blonde bombshell. Blue-eyed, slim (with just the right proportions, if you know what I mean), with legs that stretched from there to Hawaii. It didn't help that she had on stilettos. They made her oh-so-inappropriate skirt seem even shorter. Don't let the black fool you: she was out for attention.

She was hot and she knew it. She walked with confidence and had the look of a model about her. _Amber_ walked with a perfect posture and got the look just right. Maybe that was just me. As far as I was concerned, we were well enough acquainted in my head. It was time for us to step it up to the next level. Then something hit me.

She said that she was the therapist.

Darn it! The expletives just flitted through my head. Why did she have to be the therapist? Especially when she looked young enough to be my girlfriend! Not that age would have stopped me…

Amber sighed, looking around at us. She looked longest at me. I gave her my most charming (or was it devilish?) smile. She quickly looked away. Oh yeah. She wanted me.

"So," Amber began. "I only think that it's fair I learn all of your names since you now know mine. Which one of you is Simon?" She read the name from a notepad in front of her.

That pathetic pretty-boy just grinned and said 'That would be me.' That loser. He's trying to steal my woman. _Amber._

"And…Gemma?" Amber asked again.

Gemma broke away from glowering at her rich boy for but a second to give Amber a nod of recognition. I heard her slap Simon's arm and say 'Stop drooling, you pig!'

"Kartik?"

"At your service." I piped up. I took her hand in mine and looked her in the eyes. "I just want you to know that I am willing to do anything to help this therapy session. _Anything._ I'm very troubled. I may need some private sessions." Amber snatched her had away from mine like it was burning her. Hey, who could blame her? I'm hot. Somewhere in the background, I heard the muffled laughter of Gemma and Novel. _Girls. _At least Amber was a _woman_.

"Snickers?"

"Right here." He did a little two fingered salute. Poor boy. He thought he actually stood a chance with Amber. If he didn't stop flirting I'd knock him out. I glared daggers at Snickers. He looked confused. I couldn't believe that he was trying to play dumb.

"Novel?"

"Over here." She gave a little wave to get Amber's attention. Amber's eyes, however, were still fixed on Snickers. _Uh-oh._ Amber's messing with Nov's property, and it didn't look like she was taking it too well.

Novel looked confusedly from Snickers to Novel. Snickers was staring back at Amber, noticing that her attention was fixated on him. They both exchanged flirtatious smiles. I narrowed my eyes. _Not on his life._

I heard a yelp. Snick was rubbing his arm and looking at Nov with a confused look on his face. "What was that for?"

"Nothing," Nov replied. "How can I help it if your arm ran into my fist? By the way, guys," she announced drily, addressing the males in the room with a slight smile "You should probably pick up your jaws. You wouldn't want them to get dirty from dropping to the floor."

"Shut up!" Snick playfully puncher her arm back.

"If we've moved past this all, can we begin the session?" Amber was looking at us all questioningly.

"Sure."

"Yeah"

"Whatever"

"Cool"

"Okay"

A series of answers were heard around the room as everyone focused their attention on Amber.

She spoke again. "Let me tell you how this is going to work. First, we're all just gong to talk, while I try to figure out just what exactly is going on. I _will_ be writing notes. I _may _call Niccolo in here to assist me. Is everyone clear on that? Are there any problems?" She looked around the room.

Nov raised a hand. "What exactly would have to happen for Niccolo to come in here?"

Amber just smiled. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

I saw the corner of Novel's everlasting smile twitch. Amber was beginning to annoy her. Nov would just have to learn to cope.

"Now," Amber looked around at us. "Would anyone like to tell me what the problem…"

"Novel stole my boyfriend!!" Amber frantically uncapped her pen as Gemma made this revelation.

"I didn't steal your boyfriend. I stole your fiancé!" Amber scribbled something about Nov on her notepad.

"No I didn't! I thought she was you!!" Simon tried to clear himself.

"How? Do you see these hips? Gemma doesn't have these!"

"Are you trying to say that something's wrong with my butt?" Gemma looked taken aback.

"No, what I'm _saying _is that you _have_ no butt!"

"But you've told me that my butt looked great all these years!"

"I didn't stitch the padding in your jeans so that you'd be comfy when you sat down!"

"Wait!" Amber scrambled to catch up. "Did Gemma and Novel live together?"

"They were roommates," Snick's calm voice interjected.

"Okay…" Amber was still filling pages. This could be bad. I should probably be quiet so that she couldn't write any of my personality flaws on paper. "Continue."

"I'm so tired of this Gemma! Don't be mad at me! Be mad at that little skank you call your fiancé!" Novel massaged her temples.

"I am not a skank!" So Simon insisted. He is very much a skank.

"Well…" Even Snick looked unsure about that one.

"Be quiet Snick. You're just mad because I kissed Novel before you did!" _Ouch_. Low blow, Simon. Amber looked up, shocked, and then must have remembered that she was the therapist and wrote notes. She was writing so quickly that I was surprised that the friction didn't make the paper catch on fire.

"Simon," Novel said evenly, still smiling, "Make one more comment about me and Snick, and I will make sure that you can never reproduce."

It was at that point that I realized that I should stay away from Nov. She was smiling, but…it wasn't a ha-ha-happy-unicorns-and-rainbows smile. More like an evil smile. I had the feeling that she could be knocking someone out with a bat and still have that smile on. At any rate, Simon backed off. I scooted my chair away from her a bit.

"Just come a little closer Simon" Nov muttered.

Right in time, Snick muttered "Said the spider to the fly." I saw him put his arm around Nov and try to calm her down.

"Gemma, would you please control your fiancé?" Nov's tone dripped venom.

"Simon, darling," Gemma's voice was like poisoned honey. "Shut up. Those lips of yours have already gotten you into enough trouble. Sure enough, Simon shut up.

There was silence for a few moments. Amber continued writing notes. She was on her eighth page now. Did we _really_ provide that much drama?

Without looking up, Amber addressed me. "And what about you? Why are you here? I haven't heard anything about you…Kartik."

"Erm…well…I just came to…"

"Let _me_ tell you why he's here." Novel got a wicked glint in her eyes. "He has a pathological obsession with trying to steal Gemma away from Simon, and any other guy for that matter."

Gemma then spoke up. "He also flirts with our friends in the same breath. Oh," she remembered something else, "He can't understand the word _'No'_"

"Yes, I can." I was taken aback. _Me_? Why didn't they just play _Ten Things I Hate About Kartik_? It'd probably hurt less.

"Dude…no you can't." I turned to Nov. Did she just call me dude?

"I understand what 'no' means. I just choose to ignore it." There was a difference. A huge one.

"See what we mean?" Gemma pointed a finger at me. "He's infuriating!"

"More like insufferable…" Obviously little Miss Novel was still in the blackest of moods.

"Okay! I understand!" Amber exclaimed, quieting us. I think she had just written two pages on me. Crap. "What I need to do is to split you all apart."

Just then, the oh-so-hot Niccolo (according to the girls) popped his head into the room. "Ms. Wilson…they only have half an hour left." Great. I could seduce Amber in that time. Amber, however, muttered something that sounded a whole lot like a curse and ran her fingers through her hair in an agitated manner. Now I could smell her. I inhaled deeply. Her hair actually smelled like…mango? All of my thoughts were put aside when Amber made her next statement.

"Cancel the rest of my appointments, Niccolo. It's going to be a long day."

_**Author's Note: **__23__rd__ November, 2009_

**Okay, so I kind of love writing from Kartik's POV. It slides me into the guy's mind for a bit…..to be honest, its really fun. Anyway, just let me know what you think. You want more? Then review, darn it!**


	3. Why?

**No feedback…but that's okay…I just love to write…But here's chapter three…you can have a taste of Snick's mind….**

_Snickers' POV_

Why? Why did she have to cancel all of her appointments? I shook my head. Were we really that dysfunctional? Really? Why, oh why? This isn't necessary. Knowing Nov, though, she probably won't let me leave. If I did leave, however, I could probably make up for it with that surprise I had for her…

"What I am going to do," Dr. Wilson startled me out of my thoughts, "Is to take you in my office in specific pairing or groups so that we can get to the bottom of this. Novel and Snickers," She winked at me, "Will be coming into my office first."

So why was she winking at me? Did she have a twitch or something? Maybe I should point it out. And why was her hair so blonde?…it looked kind of…bleached. Probably too much time in the sun. And…were those contacts?

Novel and I followed Dr Wilson into her office. Novel was glaring at her back the whole time, though. I should probably ask her why. Then I'd probably get an earful about how our therapist was obviously such a word-that-rhymes-with-witch. And she'd have proof, or according-to-her-observation theories. Not that I minded…I just couldn't figure it out. What was it with girls? I know that they're all competitive and all, but sometimes they can be just mean. I've heard how they describe people, like when Gemma and Novel were trying to figure out who they were talking about.

"_Did you see that girl on the quad today?" Nov asked._

"_You mean the one with those ugly neon flats?" Gemma looked up from her magazine._

"_No, the one with the ugly neon platforms."_

"_The one who had on the striped socks?"_

"_Exactly! And a leather mini!"_

"_And a leather bustier" _

"_She looked like such a tramp!"_

"_I know!"_

To this day, I still have no idea what a bustier is. I've actually been afraid to ask. What if the girls insisted on showing me? What if they _owned _them? If they made people look like tramps, I most definitely did not want to see Gemma or Novel in one. Especially not Novel. I shuddered. That would be very bad. I can only be a gentleman for so long…

By then we were in Dr. Wilson's office. I suppose Dr. Wilson was going for the whole 'comfort' feeling when she decorated it. I was sure that the place was specifically designed to make us feel totally comfortable while spilling our guts.

The furniture was beige pleather, with a huge fluffy couch in the middle, with two matching chairs set to either side, and slightly in front of the couch, turned to form a sort of semi-circle. These were all facing the desk, which was really nothing more than three pieces of wood; it had no drawers, it was simply a table. Instead there was storage on one of the walls, which housed cupboards, cubbyholes and pigeon holes, all made of the same dark-stained wood as the desk. Behind her desk was a rather large window, looking out onto a garden of some sort, maybe one of those 'peace gardens'. There was a plush carpet beneath our feet, in yet another neutral color, just like the walls.

A woman had definitely decorated this room.

"Come. Sit." Dr. Wilson gestured to the seats in the room as she took her own seat behind the it-wishes-it-could-really-qualify-as-a-desk desk. Her chair was beige pleather. How exciting.

I led Novel to the couch. We sat right in the middle. I could see her biting her lip already at the thought of telling a complete stranger her problems. It would be hard for her, so I decided to hold her hand. As a comfort. She looked at me and smiled. I leaned over to murmur in her ear.

"When you're ready to leave, just let me know." That got a small smile out her. And a grateful look. I could see Dr. Wilson looking at us strangely. Did I have something on my face? Did Nov? Dr. Wilson's gaze flickered from me to Nov, then back. Then she glanced down at our hands. What? Was hand-holding not allowed in therapy?

"Just for this session," Dr. Wilson started, "I suggest that each of you sit in one of these chairs here, instead of together. I wouldn't want you to…influence each other's answers."

Apparently, no, hand-holding was not allowed. I could see Novel tense up as she evenly met Dr. Wilson's gaze. I leaned over to murmur to her once more.

"Be good." She looked at me sharply and removed her hand, letting me know that this wasn't okay with her. Darn.

Just before we went to separate chairs I heard her mutter under her breath, "Sure, I'll be good. As long as little miss tramp over there can stop staring at you long enough to actually give us therapy…" We both sat. Dr. Wilson looked at me.

I'd never understand. Didn't we all just meet? Was there a rivalry already? Over what? Had I missed something? Did Dr. Wilson do something? God, did she have to keep crossing and uncrossing her legs under the desk like that?! It was so distracting. And what was with that look? Why was she trying to pin me down with her gaze? Did she _know_ how short her skirt was?! I could see right under the desk, for Pete's sake!

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I was here for therapy. But her legs did look really long…

My head snapped up. Nov was glaring at the therapist. She then turned to me and rolled her eyes in Dr. Wilson's direction.

"Sorry?" I was confused.

"I asked," Dr. Wilson said with a smile, "just how long you've known Nadia?"

"That's _Novel_." Nov stated sharply. "_Novel."_

"Yes, yes…"

"Well," I thought back. "I've known her since…grade five or so…we've been inseparable ever since…"

Dr. Wilson looked a bit put out. Novel looked a little smug. What was going on?

"How long have you known that she was a bit…loose?" I could see Nov's eyebrow shoot up in the corner of my eye.

"I don't quite know what you mean…" _Please, Dr. Wilson, just leave it alone. Leave it alone, and everything will be okay._

"What I mean is, how long have you known that she was…a bit of a devil's advocate?"

"Pardon me?" _Just leave it alone, Dr. Wilson._

"How long has she been acting like a slut?"

I saw Novel's head whip to the side as though she had been slapped. There was absolute silence. I don't think that Nov was even breathing. A slow smile crept across Dr. Wilson's face.

This was exactly the kind of situation that I, as a guy, try to avoid. I mean, what exactly am I supposed to do? If Dr. Wilson had been another guy, I could have just knocked him out, or at least threaten him until he was scared to within an inch of his life. Or just given him a look that would shut him up. In this situation, however, I would be charged with assault. I don't think violence was really the answer here, anyway.

"That's the problem, isn't it? That your…questionable actions led to this therapy session? That you were a bit too loose, even for your friends?"

I heard Nov's breathing start again. But she stayed as still as a statue. I really wanted to harm Dr. Wilson now. Did she really just call Nov a slut? _Twice_?

"The only slut in this room, my dear Dr. Wilson," Nov hissed, "Would be you." She fixed her eyes coldly on the therapist.

Dr. Wilson uncrossed her legs (_God, would she _stop_ doing that?!_) and got up from behind her desk, coming in front of it to sit on it, where she crossed her legs again. Did she _have _to do that?!

She leaned forward. Novel narrowed her eyes.

"Let me ask you something Novel." Dr. Wilson got up one more. Her eyes very clearly said that she was issuing a challenge to Nov. "Is Snickers here your boyfriend?"

Even _I_ raised my eyebrows at that one. When were people going to get tired of that?

"No, he is not, Dr. Wilson." Nov's voice was dripping ice. Stupid Amber…..Darn. Now, how to defuse the situation? … "And may I ask just what that has to do with this session?"

"That's a…lovely garden you have out there…" That comment earned me the 'stupid look' from both females. What? Was I supposed to do something else?

I sighed. Dr. Wilson was trouble; And apparently stupid. She was messing with Nov? That's something that I didn't want to be a witness to. Especially when someone gets hurt. (And by someone, I mean Dr. Wilson). Maybe I could leave soon, and go somewhere far away from her. Maybe Hawaii…

Novel's grip tightened on the chair. I sighed once more. I couldn't leave just yet, especially considering the calculating look that I could see on Novel's face as she watched Dr. Wilson's every move…

Wait…she was moving? Toward me?

"I just need to do a little test to see just how you react to certain thing…just to get a start on the therapy session…" Dr. Wilson spoke smoothly, making strides toward me. The next thing I knew, she was standing on the side of me stroking my arm. I tensed up, and I could see Novel do the same.

"Does this bother you?" Our therapist asked innocently.

"Of course not…" I could see that Nov was struggling.

Then…all of a sudden, she was in my lap, running her fingers up and down my chest. I swear it. I had nothing to do with it. And I tried to very clearly give off signals that said to get the hell off! They didn't seem to be working, though.

I gave Novel a helpless look and put my two hands up in a sign or surrender.

"And what about this? Does this bother you?" Now Dr. Wilson was grinning.

Novel looked to be in the verge of jumping out of her chair…God!! Could Amber…Dr. Wilson stop crossing her legs?!?!? Or at least pull down her skirt?!?!?

"Of course not, my dear doctor." I was surprised that smoke wasn't coming out of Nov's ears. Was this even legal? Doesn't this go against the doctors' code of ethics or _something_?!

Then Dr. Wilson did something that I never expected. It was all I could so not to fall out of my chair afterward.

_**Author's Note:**__4__th__ December, 2009_

**You like? Is it awesome? Are you going to tell me?**


	4. Threats

**Okay my dear readers….I'm upset with you! I can see you reading but not reviewing, and its very frustrating! Writing for A Great and Terrible Beauty isn't as rewarding as for Twilight or Harry Potter, and I'd like a little encouragement! Here you go; more trampy Amber!**

_Novel's POV_

That. Little. _Tramp!_

First she exposes nine tenths of her legs to the world; then she tries to lure Snick in! Now, she might as well say "Snick, have sex with me"!

Did she really think that she could kiss Snick and get away with it?

She pulled away, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

Apparently she did think that she could get away with it. Poor Snickers looked dazed. Then Dr. Wilson went back for more. That was it.

I was out of my chair like a shot. I grabbed her arm and yanked her off. She stumbled backward, hitting her desk. When the hell did she start to unbutton her shirt?!

"Stay away from Snick." I moved to stand in front of him.

"Why? Is he your _boyfriend?_" I could tell that she was mocking me. I wondered just how she'd feel if I ripped her pretty little bleached blonde hair right out of her scalp.

"_No._ He is not. Now back. The hell. Away."

"Oh…_someone's _throwing a hissy fit!" Did she just say that I was throwing a hissy fit? Wannabe catwoman herself was saying that _I_ was throwing a hissy fit?

That was when I lost it. I stalked over to _Dr. Wilson_ with slow, deliberate steps. She backed up until she hit her little desk frame; but I kept going. When she was almost bent completely over her desk, I could see her confidence slipping.

"Now, you listen here." I began in a low threatening voice. "You are the _therapist_. Any more of that behavior is called _sexual harassment_. I could file charges….Or I could just mess up your new nose. Believe me. They'll say you tripped. So stop. Got it?"

"G-Got it." I backed away, enjoying the shocked look in her eyes. As I turned around to face Snick, I felt a breeze go past me.

She was sitting in his lap. Again.

I would have lunged for her pretty little throat at just that second, but the door to the office slammed open. In fact, slammed might not be appropriate enough. It was more like someone had attempted to take the door off its hinges, but had failed. I was trying to come up with a suitable word when a roar from the doorway nearly deafened me.

"_AMBER!"_ I didn't know that voice, and so I swiveled in my seat to see just who else could interrupt this farce of a therapy session.

My mouth hung open. There in the doorway was this _huge_ guy. I was briefly reminded of what Butler from the Artemis Fowl series was supposed to look like. This guy came pretty close. Big? _Check_. Scary? _Check._ Easy to imagine holding multiple lethal weapons?_ Definitely check_.

"_What have I told you about coming into this office?!" _Big Dude was obviously angry.

"I just wanted to have some fun!" Oh look! Amber was pouting! How exciting. Obviously, she couldn't conduct this conversation from anywhere but Snick's lap.

"_Is that why you're sitting in some guy's lap again?! What should I do with you?!?! Tell me! What should I do?!"_ My escape plan for situations like this usually went something along the lines of:

Back away slowly

Make myself invisible.

Pretend that nothing is going on.

Run. As fast as I can. Far. Far away.

The problem was that this plan wasn't actually doable at the moment, seeing as how Big Dude was standing in the doorway. There was _no_ chance I was going to risk going past him. He probably had a rifle hidden in the palm of his hand…

"You never let me do anything! I'm sitting on someone's lap and that has to mean that I'm a bad person?!" I didn't like where this was going.

_Wait. Sitting on someone's lap…bad person…was this her boyfriend?!?!?!_

"As long as you live under _my_ roof you will abide by _my_ rules!" Okay…so he was controlling, but didn't some girls kind of like that thing? Like dominance and all that?

"I hate you daddy!"

"Daddy?" Obviously, Snick and I couldn't keep the shock contained.

"Daddy?" We could hear the muffled cries of those outside.

"Well, I don't care! Go behind the reception desk with Niccolo! That's what your summer job is! Not trying to seduce the patients! Now go!"

"But–"

"Just _go_!"

I'm sure that the looks on our faces must have been comical, but I was too busy rejoicing (silently) that Amber had left, slamming the door. Tramp.

"So…" I trailed off, a look of utter confusion on my face. I turned to look at Snick. I glared. He cringed. I was not happy with him. For the moment, Amber's father was forgotten.

I rose fluidly out of my chair and stalked over to face him in his chair. I suppose my hands were on my hips, but who could blame me? Something had just hit me, and I was _mad_.

"So you just let her sit in your lap, you loser?!" I tended to gesticulate a lot, so my hands were waving pretty wildly, but I don't think that's why he sunk back into his chair. He saw the look in my eyes.

"Now, Nov," He was going to try to wiggle his way out of this. I wouldn't let him.

"What did I tell you about being so nice to girls?! That was being nice! _Too _nice!"

"What did you expect me to do? I was just as shocked as you were!"

"Don't give me that!!" He could not be serious. "When a girl flings herself at you, you _fling her back off_!"

"I didn't want to hurt her!"

"Oh! So, you were afraid that Malibu Barbie was going to hurt herself? No one told her to wear stripper heels!!"

I watched as Snick sunk deeper and deeper into the plush chair, attempting to get as far away as possible from my anger. I knew that I should stop, that it wasn't his fault. Somehow, though, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Well, why do you care?!" I needed a reason to care? I rolled my eyes.

"_Your_ mother told me to watch out for you while we were in college together!"

"Watch out for _me_? At least I'm not the klutz!"

"I know I'm a klutz! I can take care of myself!"

"But I'm the guy! I'm supposed to look out for _you_!"

"I don't need looking after!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Snick, don't start with me!"

"Why not?!"

"Excuse me."

"I am a young woman. I take care of myself."

"Excuse me!"

"Then why am I always hearing about your experience with being almost kidnapped?!"

"_Excuse me_!"

Oh. Right. The real therapist was here. We should probably be paying attention to him. I'm pretty sure I blushed a very deep shade of red as I sheepishly made my way back to my seat.

"Now," Dr. Wilson began, "I believe that we should get to the problem at hand."

"You mean the fact that your daughter acts like a tramp?" I said this coolly, as I'd usually respond to a verbal attack. What my traitor mouth did not register, however, was that this was the real therapist, and the father of said tramp. It would have been totally helpful if my brain had worked faster than my mouth, but I guess today was just that kind of day.

I watched as our therapist bristled at my comment. I hastily attempted to correct myself.

"I'm so sorry – I didn't mean – She was just all over – Can we just forget that I said that?" I sighed and glance at Snick. He had a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I understand completely. My daughter can be a bit…forward."

"I know," I began, but Snick cut me off.

"All is forgiven. Now what do you want to talk about?" Bastard.

"Well, I would have liked to speak about your views on Gemma and her issue if I had arrived on time as I had intended. I should think," Here he looked thoughtful, "that perhaps we ought to begin with what's going on between the two of you."

I couldn't help it. I went on the defensive: I removed all emotion from my face and voice, while harboring a moment's dislike for the doctor. I didn't want to talk about me and Snick! Why couldn't anyone understand that?

"I'd rather not," I replied evenly. Eyeing him sharply, I wondered if he had the balls to push me farther.

"But I insist." He met my stare. Apparently he did have balls. I think I'd enjoy this.

"I'd _really_ rather not." Now that I was staring, he didn't look all that bad. Nice jawline, nice hair, nice face. Hell, if he was ten years younger….

But who was I kidding? – it would be more of a relationship with a character than a person. Like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman or Orlando Bloom as William Turner, or even Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic. Forever the same age in my mind; forever in love.

"Ah….but I _really_ insist." His eyes glinted, and I caught a glimpse of mirth. I watched, astounded, as his lips curled up into a crooked smile. Definitely a character crush.

"Well, Dr. Wilson," I said as I gave him my most wicked smile, "I just hope you know that you're in for one hell of a story."

_**Author's Note: **__13__th__ December, 2009_

**So? You like? You know, I really love Novel's character? She just speaks to me! But bet you didn't see Amber's dad coming, did you? See, I'm capable of a few surprises! Now just carefully move your mouse pointer to the button that says review…..**


	5. Bent Over Backwards

**I know, I know: I'm awful. I don't update very regularly. But that doesn't mea that you can't leave a girl a review! Get ready for more of Snick and Nov!**

_Snick's POV_

No way. Just no way. There was _no_ way that I had just gone through all of that crap to deal with Amber….and hadn't even had the real therapy session yet!!!.

Nov nudged me. "Should we give him the long story short?"

I nodded. There was no way that we had enough time in this session to give him the whole story. Nov gave Dr. Wilson a defiant look, and went on with the story.

"Well, you see, I met him in grade 5….and since then everyone's thought that we're a couple, so I haven't been able to date _anyone_, because everyone thinks that I'm unavailable. Except for the stupid ones, of course. Then I'm glad to use him as an excuse. I'm just upset that I have to fend the tramps away from him because he's too darned nice for his own good." She raised an eyebrow. "Happy?"

"You do _not_ have to fend away tramps!" I spluttered

"_You_, dear boy, would not know a tramp it she came to you and poked you in the eye with her cleavage." Did she just say that? And I _did_ know what to watch out for in a tramp…

"Interesting," the _real_ Dr. Wilson commented. "You're fairly protective of him. Is there a particular reason for that, Novel?"

Novel tensed. _Don't say anything, Novel. Don't say anything Dr. Wilson._ I sensed a touchy topic coming on. I also felt an argument, which was not the smartest thing to do with a man who could easily fit in with giants.

"I have no idea Dr. Wilson," she said quite evenly. "You're the therapist. You tell me."

_This is not going to end well._

"I feel that you have some unresolved issues with this young man. Is there another woman in his life?"

I could practically see the ice rolling off of Novel's tongue as she spoke her next words. "I don't possibly see what that could have to do with anything, Dr. Wilson."

"I think that for some innate reason, you feel the need to have Snickers all to yourself."

"_I_ think that you are far too nosy for your own good."

"I think that I'm the therapist, and that's my job."

"I think that you should watch what it is that you're saying."

"I think that this is going to have an effect on you."

"I think –"

And then he kissed her. That massive looking therapist with the leggy daughter kissed Nov.

He got right up from his seat, whipped around the desk, grabbed Nov, and gave her a kiss.

Kissed _my _Nov.

_My Nov._

Hell. No.

I stood, braced myself, and yanked Wilson by his shoulders. The hulk had the nerve to glare at me, hold up a finger and _bend Nov backwards_ to kiss her again.

Here, I carefully considered my options. I quickly discarded the first ten or so as illegal. I couldn't think properly, I just couldn't. What was going on here? How did this happen? Wasn't this somehow against the therapist's code, or some crap like that? All I knew was that he had the ten seconds that I was going to count to calm myself before his head met the floor in a very painful way

…_ten_

He wrapped his arms around her waist. My jaw twitched.

…_nine_

She wrapped her arms around his neck. I narrowed my eyes.

…_eight_

I think I may have just seen his tongue. I took a very _very_ deep breath.

…_seven_

And they were still going at it. Simply amazing.

…_six_

I heard a moan. That's it. That's it. _That's it_.

Everything happened pretty quickly from then. All of a sudden, Nov was on the ground, and I had Wilson by his neck over his desk. Of course, it was only then that the thought that he could, quite literally, snap me in half like a toothpick occurred. Usually I could match people. He was just a behemoth. A behemoth that kissed Nov.

"Don't you –"

"_What the hell was that?_" Nov's voice cut through me. Instinctively, I let Wilson go and swung around to protect my face with my hands.

"I was just…"

"You were just _what?_"

"He was all over..."

"Did it occur to you that maybe you don't have the right to stop things like that?" She battered my chest and shoulders.

"But…"

"Don't but me, Snick! Unless I'm being molested in some way, butt out!"

"Calm down! I was just worried that _maybe_ something was wrong, seeing as he attacked you mid-sentence!"

"He did not attack me! You thought it was something you felt like you had to be all macho and protect me from!" She gave me a look that would peel paint.

"…Nov…he just…and I thought…" This was not going well. How did this get to be my fault? How? Who had I pissed off in my former life?

"Unless you're prepared to fill that particular spot in my life, keep yourself the hell out of it!"

Nov picked herself off the floor. She stalked to me, right in front of me. She was at the point where any male with sense would run far away from her. Being me, of course, I stayed where I was.

"You know something else, Snick? Just stay out completely. I don't need this. I don't. If Dr. Wilson wants to kiss me, leave it to me to beat him up. I can take care of it. Don't rescue me, don't save me, and don't worry. You are the most frustrating, egregious and incorrigible human being on the face of the ear –"

Then I kissed her.

I, the most frustrating, egregious and incorrigible human being on the face of the earth, kissed Nov. My life was now complete.

Especially since she was probably about to kill me.

_**Author's Note: **__6__th__ March, 2010_

**And so it comes to a climax. Poor Snick. He's a good guy, though. Right? Well, I love him! Hope you enjoyed! A little encouragement would be appreciated! Until next time….**


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